3/17/09

Sometimes it seems that
We are like children with sticks
trying to explain
the biochemistry of the universe, or
the way a sunrise feels
after long darkness, or
love.

It’s not worthless,
But it's small.
We are fools that forget.

Uzzah shared his living room
With the Ark and the awful glory
Of Him whom strong angels are undone before.
(Imagine! In your living room!)
Until,
thinking he knew Holy well enough,
Stepped out to grab it, and died
there on the road to Jerusalem
Did he even know what hit him?
Did he have any idea anymore?


God, do we know you much at all?
Do I know you much at all?
Please let us know you as we should..

Let us be more like the artist, who,
while finishing his sketch,
Trembles
At the magnificence,
And for the longing
To represent the truth

Sunday after I turned 25

Isn’t it funny how we love communion
Even though we don’t understand it much?

Driving home the trees created black against the sun and open fields
I know I want to go where You go.

I want- I admit- many things tonight. I am surprised by the tears that might come
If anyone else asks me about my birthday. my friends. the future.

But. The trees are holding out their arms together
In front of this orange light and my

memories of Your kindnesses.
They are singing.

A new corner I have turned with lines unfaltering
Your faithfulness reaches past my gaze- holds me fast, close in.

Breathe cold air. Bury my face under your wings.

We wait for You.

My face is
The face of a fool

Seeking peace
In lusting the horizon,
In soft thoughts that
Fill my head, my belly, with
sugary stale air,
This glaze over emptiness.
I’m walking away
from peace.
I’m walking away
from You.
Seeking to
fill a fantasy
Rather than
Gaze.

“I’ll have no other gods before You”
I have said
When I put on this ring.

My heart
Has forgotten
what it knows, and
Has gone whoring
Under every green tree.




"For we do not present our
pleas before you
because of
our righteousness,
but
because of

Your
great
mercy.

O Lord, Hear;
O Lord, forgive.
O Lord, pay attention and act.

Delay not, for your own sake, O my God,
because
your city
and
your people
are called by your name."

though the earth give way,

if there is one thing that
i have learned
about You
it is that
You are mysterious-
and your ways are mysterious.
You dwell with man
in the silence
and in the storm.
He knows you while
wandering through the dark
and living beside the dawn.
in truth-
i have been torn
and healed
by the same hand,
and still call You
"Friend".

no harbor exists
here
save for
Thy will
be done.

Choosing God

Jed wrote recently that he was taught once that we need to be "taught rarely and reminded often". Today I was reminded of something that I have a feeling God's been reminding me of my whole life long.

You know, it really doesn't matter so much what my Christian life looked like a year or two ago if I have forgotten how to choose Him now, today... Because, in the end, every good thing that has ever happened in me is Him. Every good thing is the result of the fingers of the Spirit gripping my heart, redirecting my mind, and teaching my hands. I can be a spiritual giant in the eyes of all around me, write a dozen books that are still in print half a century later, teach 30 years worth of students and disciples... but, still, what matters most is that every single day God is at work doing what He does, and extending the hand of invitation. I can join in or I can miss out. Every single day I get to choose whether I am going to be part of what He wants to make me part of. The glory is His alone. Always.

That's why we so often see the people we least expect showcasing the Glory of God while those we expected "that sort of thing" from walk the other way. It's about realizing that we have the chance to join in with Him- or not- every day. Staying in step with the Spirit isn't super complicated, but we do need to want it. And often it is those of us who are tempted to think that we've somehow "arrived" as followers of Jesus, that miss out. We've forgotten that it's all a gift. Everyday.

The Christian life is about the story of how far He's brought us, but its about more than that too. It's a life that is about learning to say "yes" to God in all our moments, with a willing and humble heart. I don't think that this ever goes on autopilot. I forget God more than I want to admit, even while supposedly spending my day "about His business". I forget a lot that I have to choose Him today with the same kind of heart that I chose Him with year ago. He is still God, and I am still a woman, faulty and needy. No less desprate than ever for His Spirit that indwells me. The Christian life is not about becoming a better, stronger, and more self-sufficient person, but there are days when I live like I think that is what it's about.

No.. the Christian life is fresh. It requires you to make decisions not just once, in the distant past, but now. And I'm pretty sure that's not ment to be burdensome- it's meant to give life! Now, in all the new challenges and new relationships. Now, in the seasons that seem tired and worn out. Now, in the spaces between my breathing. In this everyday normal Monday when night is falling like all the other nights that have come before it- but the Joy of it is that I get to choose Jesus tonight! Tonight is the night I get to choose the one I love! Tonight I get to live for the most important Being and purpose in the universe, and He knows me and loves me. Tonight.

I think about the joy I have when I do choose God over somthing (or someone) else.. A funny thing happens when I've had to give somthing presious up in order to follow Him- I end up giddy. There's somthing about saying "I want You more than even this." that draws a line in the dirt. It says "I'm done with holding my heart back from you in this area- you can have all of me!" It lets us love deeper and live wilder. The reality that God lets us choose Him everyday is itself a great gift.

What could this life look like if I really lived that out?

those whose strength is in you..

10/16

I love You
The way a storm wave comes
Up from the pages and washes me
Wet so that my skin sticks to my clothes and
I am FULL of You.
My heart too big for my ribcage
So it fills my hands
And still.. there’s more
And I see glimpses
Out the corners of my eyes
Of Jeremiah. That muddy prophet,
Weeping. Weary. Open-handed.
Full of fire that can’t be held
Listening in the wilderness
“I will make your face like flint..” and
“if you will utter that which has worth..”
And
“let a man boast in this..
that he
Understands
and knows
Me.”