What I thought about when remembering where I came from.... and feeling a little sad.

Sometime late in the night during the spring of 2006 I wrote this "I am from" poem as a Xanga entry..

"I am from the journey into
in,
and the one that keeps going after
From nights sitting up at 2 am while Maren sleeps
From the way the sky looks here in the morning
over the parking lot and the edge of town
I am from a private love of packing suitcases
of moving. rerooting. growing up new.
From bunkbeds and dining halls and snowflakes in horsehair
And praying with Joelle because I was there
I am from the red sign, the goat I carried, the llama that spit
and that racoon I smashed when Molly threw that snowball
I am from the night DJ peed outside in winter- he lost at cards
From couch "hot tubs", hammocks from the rafters,
And from watching the fireflys rise thick from the marsh under magenta sky
I am from sitting across from Shannon at Taco Bell, just coming alive
From Staci in a rowboat and lice checks on the apartment floor
And the way you can just walk into the Peterson house without knocking
I am from Mary's class, where normal beautiful things happened today

from getting back to work... and waking up Maren...."

I was a senior at Miami. Apparently Maren and I were up pulling one of our all-nighters to get something done for our cohort classes. Maren made me smile a lot when she took needed quick-naps while we worked- one of the many ways I got to see more of Jesus and His joy through getting to do life with Maren for a whole year.

Now she's a teacher, and I live 4 states away.

Reading the above Xanga entry feels a little like getting hit with an ocean swell. This life I've gotten to live has been so wild and so precious. (to quote Mary Oliver).

I've seen over and over again how moving is an exercise in trust. When we move away from the people and the lives we've known, it feels a little like getting lost for a while. (At least, that's kinda how it is with me.) Somewhere else in the world we hugged the people that we've loved and lived with, backed down some familiar driveway, and left places where we've grown up and people we've grown with. Katie told me a long time ago that "We feel at home in the places where we've seen God".. and I guess this is why moving is an exercise in trust.
There are seasons and places where we've seen glimpses of the Holy so deep that they put strength into our bones and breath into our lungs. When we are called out from those places, we sometimes go trembling. These are places where we've learned to sing His glory, felt Him spread his robe over us as we cried, and just felt His joy; familiar signposts that remind us of who we are becoming.

Right now in Iowa, I can't smile at an exhausted Maren sleeping on the couch next to her textbooks. I can't stand huddled with people I love on a frozen lake. I can't hear Nicole singing, or B. White's strumming. I can't wade out in Lake Superior with Meghan. I can't feel the smooth places in the Adirondack chairs on the Barn Store porch or see the sun-puddles on our deck while Dale reads at the table. I can't see the trailer where I learned to ask for forgiveness. I can't stand on that hilltop in Bellfontaine where I heard the gospel as a 10 year old....

"The whole earth is the Lord's and everything in it.."
Sometimes we leave behind the places where we saw God work miracles, because God says it's time so see them in the next place. And then, what choice do we have but to pack up everything- and go. with our eyes open.

But here is a bit I've learned of glory.
Oooo Glory.
So often, in the process of growing up in new soil, the person we already have been becoming on all the roads previous catches up with us too.
I think that this is always part of my personal experience of moving- that once the dust settles, we find that we still are who we were before-
Because the truest things about us are part of a story that is being written by Someone else.

Update letter- copied and pasted.

Family, Friends, Other People that got hooked into this gig,

Wow. Its been almost a month since I arrived out here under the blue bowl of this Iowa prairie sky. I wish that I had sat down to write ya'll sooner, but life has not slowed down much since arrival, and now that I sit down to actually write, I am thankful that I have a few months of rapid processing already under my feet. Maybe things will make more sense on your end. :)

I arrived in Ames about a week later than planned. My Grandpa Sharpe went home to be with his Lord on Tuesday, August 14th. I quickly learned the value of putting our lives on pause to gather together to mourn and celebrate. I am so thankful for the week I got to spend with my relatives from Columbus and Brooklyn. They are all as hilarious as they are sincere, and as loving as they are wild. One of the highlights of that week for me was when Henry's grand kids were asked to come share from the Bible and talk about his life at the funeral. I stood there beside my cousins and younger sisters and brother and I got to just watch them talk about God like they knew Him. They declared the works of our Heavenly Father in the midst of my grandfather's life. We got to celebrate Henry Sharpe for the most important thing about him- the fact that Jesus loves him, and he loves Jesus.

So, all that to explain, I came to Ames about 5 days later than expected, and in the wake of a pretty intense month. I was tired emotionally and I was recovering from a stomach flu. When I arrived in Ames through, I was met by a welcome that was more like an embrace. My host family quickly unloaded my car. There were flowers on my bedside table with a card that read: "Welcome to Ames, and in memory of your Grandpa". Lori Adams, the woman I am working with out here, came right over to give me an excited hug (Lori tends to do many things that you could put the adjective "excited" next to). David, the 17 year old I live with, drew me a "welcome to Ames!" picture. All this in the space of about 25 minutes. It was a huge puddle of unmerited grace, and it has continued. From the moment I appeared in Ames, I have been overwhelmed by the opened arms and the kind questions people ask. I haven't really had to introduce myself to many people at all, because, for the most part people have sought me out first. They knew I was coming and they wanted to welcome me. My very move to Ames has taught me much about the power of love given freely.

Oh and, let me tell you, Ames is actually quite beautiful. It's a small city filled with parks and trees and sidewalks that go everywhere. There are about 5 good coffee shops, a Target, a Borders, and a Panara. (I am hoping that gives you a gauge for the size of the city :) Ames is surrounded by corn and soybean fields that cascade out in every direction. Let me tell you though, I am pretty amazed at how stinkin BEAUTIFUL this all is.(Laura Haunfeld, that's for you) It looks different to me than what I expected from living in Ohio. It's like everything is on this big table that is covered with rolling hills and the SKY that just feels like it's 50 times bigger out here. It's like you can touch it. The other night I was driving home into the sunset and I about felt my heart explode. It was so great. "Flat ground gives sky such a chance".

Ok, so now that I have tried to give you a little of the setting, I think it's time to let you know a little of the plot. (English Joke.- That's for Maren)

I am working part time as a substitute teacher in the Ames Community School district- and that alone has been beautiful. The class I have subbed most in so far is a 1st grade room. This is, you might expect, a steep learning curve for the girl with a 7-12th grade teaching certificate. It's been a good one though. (Plus, the 11th and 12th graders I taught previously never did cute things like forget my name and call me "Miss Sharpener".. and that's just a wonderful thing to get to experience.) I am thankful that I get the chance to be in the schools and to know a wide variety of teachers and students. It's been a huge asset in what I am getting to do the rest of the time here on campus.

I get to work with a woman named Lori Adams, who has been here for years in the Campus ministry world and was a teacher before that. In addition to learning a TON from her about campus ministry, I am learning a whole lot about patience, humility, and love through the example she sets forth in life. It's been a great joy to get to work alongside her in this work and this place.

I'm excited to tell you about what Christian Educators is doing here on Iowa State's campus as this year goes on. Our mission statement here is to equip, empower, and connect Believing Education students and teachers. It's been a cool discovery for me that a lot of what we do is networking. We get to help build relational prayer bridges between Education students, teachers, schools, and churches. It's been so fun to work a job that is so relationally and prayerfully built. We are small. We only have two staff members here at ISU- but that works well because a lot of what we do is with small groups and hosted in the living room. So far I have met with students over coffee, and Lori and I are putting together what we need to begin both some Pre-student teacher groups, and some Truth Project study groups. (The Truth Project [ www.thetruthproject.org ] is this rad study put out by Focus on the Family that aims to address the various spheres of our world and society and examine what God has declared true in all these areas. For instance, I just watched the video study about what God says is true about Labor and creativity. It's a really powerful tool for being able to contrast between what the world says is true and what God tells us is really true) We also have a Student Teacher support group meeting every Tuesday night. It's been such a joy to watch these women connect with one another and pray for one another in the midst of this huge growth area in their lives. Christian Educators also has a lot of other things going on right now that I've really loved. Last week we held a reflective retreat on Saturday morning for a group of young teachers from all over. It was SO GOOD to see them come together to encourage one another, to pray, and to praise God for the ways that they get to join with Him and see His hand as they teach. Our guest speaker was a professor from Dordt College who has written some beautiful books about what it means to "teach Christianly". John Van Dyk is this tall, white-haired man with a fun Dutch accent and kind eyes. It was great to hear him tell the story of a little farmer in the Netherlands who got up from breakfast and said "Well, we are going out to farm now.." The "we" being him and the Lord. John suggested that we all learn to see our lives this way- as whole, and complete, with God in all parts of life, and all parts lived with Him. This is an especially important message for Christian Teachers- But I could take a whole other e-mail to expound upon that.. and I think that I might just hold off. All in all, I find that a lot of what we talk about along these lines go hand in hand with what I learned about Jewish thought when I was attending the Messianic Synagogue and doing the internship I did back in Middletown. The Hebraic way of thinking was that you would never think to divide your secular life out from your relationship with God. But, in American Christianity, we are tend otherwise... and I think that that is a lot of what Christian Educators is here to be a part of transforming.

I have been blessed to see my life overlapping other ways too. Yesterday morning I got to talk with highschoolers at the local Christian school about Rachel Scott's story. It's such a blessing to see how God honors that story and uses it to transform lives. I also am helping out with the planning committee for the L'abri Conference we are hosting here in Ames in a couple months. God has been so kind to me to let life come so many full circles.

So, all in all, this letter has been a random smattering. I really want to give you all a glimpse into life here, and maybe in future e-mails I can build on that. I love you all very much and my heart misses you quite a bit.

If you feel led to pray for me,
Here is a list of prayer requests for right now:

That God continue to lead me into what His heart is for this place and these people and this ministry.
That I learn balance with ministry and personal life and with relationships near and far.
That God does everything He wants to do in the lives of the Education Majors here at ISU.
That God builds His kingdom network in the field of Education and continues to raise up, train, and bring support for Missional teachers in American Schools.
Pray for your local teachers and schools. I think God may be doing some big things that aren't just meant for central Iowa.
Pray that God leads us to major on what we should.
Pray that the first graders don't kill me. :) just kidding.
Pray for provision- I am working part time, but the schools here don't start paying me until the end of October. :)
Praise God for all He has already provided!!!! For how Faithful and Good He was, and is, and will be!

In Him,
Kelly

"With the praries I am calling out your name"

"Well the moon moved past Nebraska
And spilled laughter on them cold Dakota Hills
And angels danced on Jacob's stairs
Yeah they danced on Jacob's stairs
There is this silence in the Badlands
And over Kansas the whole universe was stilled
By the whisper of a prayer
The whisper of a prayer

And the single hawk bursts into flight
And in the east the whole horizon is in flames
I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name"
-Rich Mullins

In a way it's kinda funny. I've loved the lyrics to this song for a while now. Over a year ago I sat in my car with Susan and Beth in the parking lot at Cran-Hill with these words rolling over us, and we had one of those moments where you know Jesus is real and beautiful and big... and that you are just grateful. Just happy to be alive in this world where He is. Just glad to be created.

And, months later, this song has resurfaced for me. It's hanging on my wall next to pictures of my siblings, and camp, and this funny picture of Dale carrying the dog in a pouch.
These words are hanging there.

"How the Lord takes by its corners this old world
And shakes us forward and shakes us free
To run wild with the hope
To run wild with the hope
The hope that this thirst will not last long
That it will soon drown in the song not sung in vain
And I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name"

Part of it is that- counter to all previously expressed fears- Iowa is, in reality, incredibly beautiful. I'm still trying to put words to it. The best I can say so far is that there is a kind of nobility to Iowa's countryside. I'm not sure why yet, but the cornfields here look different than the ones I anticipated. They stretch out under the sky with their gentle hills, traversed through with gravel and dirt roads- opening wide beneath the sky. Sunset takes up a third of the horizon here. They just seem noble. Like they are somehow bigger and stronger and wiser than any cornfields I have ever seen before. Does that sound crazy? Probably. People in other parts of the world probably don't feel drawn to personify their cornfields... but, I'm telling you, Iowa just seems to invite this kind of thing. The countryside itself teaches me a lot about the strength and the humility of knowing you are part of something bigger and more beautiful than you can ever even fully understand.
"With the prairies I am calling out your name." So good. I'll take it.

So here I am, end of my first post. I should have probably told you about the wonderful family I am living with.... or the evolving Joy that this job is.... or about how I am doing with memorizing all these new names.... or about how funny the culture is here to a girl from the suburbs of Columbus (for instance- they are so proud of their state fair here.. Lori, the woman i work with (she's a gift!) actually won a World Record for throwing a rolling pin at this illustrious fair. woah buddie. Fair love. it's fun!! ) And hopefully I can get to those in my next post. For now, I will leave you with my ruminations on corn. Thanks for your patience with me.