10/16
I love You
The way a storm wave comes
Up from the pages and washes me
Wet so that my skin sticks to my clothes and
I am FULL of You.
My heart too big for my ribcage
So it fills my hands
And still.. there’s more
And I see glimpses
Out the corners of my eyes
Of Jeremiah. That muddy prophet,
Weeping. Weary. Open-handed.
Full of fire that can’t be held
Listening in the wilderness
“I will make your face like flint..” and
“if you will utter that which has worth..”
And
“let a man boast in this..
that he
Understands
and knows
Me.”
Monday, November 26, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
What exactly is Ministry?
I became a Christian (I think) somewhere around age 10. In the near decade and a half that has followed, God has taught me more than I ever expected about what a great love He has for me. He’s also brought me through quite a few seasons of “ministry”. I grew up meeting God both as a Lutheran and a Methodist simultaneously. In high school I was Methodist/Nazerine/Charasmatic before finally settling into the Vineyard, where God got me hooked into a community of people that became one of the truest experiences of home I’ve ever felt this side of our real Home. But of course, that wasn’t the end of things, and after graduation I entered college for a lot of new experiences of church and parachurch ministries. It’s only skimming the surfaces of these years to say that I grew as part of two campus ministries, learned a ton about discipleship from Young Life, and worked a total of about 4 summers at two Christian camps where I was able to be everything from a junior counselor to staff sage. During just my years at Miami I was involved with a charismatic worship group that would frequently go until 4 AM on Friday nights (because Jesus deserved it, and where else did we have to go that was more important?), and I was also falling in love with where I saw God at work in the Reformed Church denomination that I was working for in the summers. I attended a house church for a while where the people were really pressing into lessons of community, then I left to focus on my role as an RA where God taught me some huge lessons about prayer and discipleship in the context of a staff and residents who didn’t even know Him. The next year I co-led a Bible study and met consistently with four girls. The things that God did in them during these seasons have taught me much about the beauty of God- and what a privilege it is to watch God interact with His children.
Then, I student taught and I began to get these little glimpses into the idea that teaching- like all of this life- is another place for ministry. But with teaching it looked different than it ever had before. In my car on those exhausted, sunrise drives to Edgewood in the morning, I was getting glimpses of this whole new reality of ministry (one I wasn’t sure I even liked at first) - that ministry also just means doing your job well. It means living your life- your whole life!- in such a way that God is glorified and people are drawn to the Holy Spirit they come in contact with in you. It means being what Jesus said we are- a light on a hill, a lamp in a dark place. We are lights because the Holy Spirit is in us and we get to bring Him wherever we place our feet-and where the wind of God blows, He brings life.
After that I got to spend a season at work with Life Choices- a ministry of people who go into schools and tell the story of Rachel Joy Scott, the first girl killed at Columbine High School in 1999. In the context of these people, Many of them Rachel’s family, I learned many things about ministry and life. Much was about provision and about “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” I’ve never had a season before where I had to pray regularly for my provision- and then got to watch as God provided over and over and over. I thank God that I got to learn these things with Him in the context of a community that believed God to do incredible things all day long. I don’t know that I’ve ever lived with a group of people so honest about their brokenness and shortcomings—and so aware that God was there ever-present real hope. Life Choices taught that all of our ministry must come from the overflow of our love relationship with Jesus. I’ve bought into it. I think they’ve got something figured out that that a lot of us don’t understand yet: that fruit in ministry comes as we abide in the Vine. It doesn’t come from our lives being perfect and sinless, it doesn’t come from our striving to serve God well… it comes from abiding in Him.
And now I am in Iowa. I am in Iowa sitting at my computer and trying to figure out why I just wrote all this. I think it has something to do with the fact that I need to remember what He has taught me about ministry. Because, now that my “job” is a ministry- I need to be reminded. It is just all too easy to slip into the frantic thoughts about not doing enough, or to begin to live and act as if the salvation and the growth of other people is somehow dependant on me and not on Jesus. I need to remember what He has taught me.
I think that part of the issue for me is that I was brought up in a world that overvalues the notion of our “career” (as if that were our identity) and undervalues the notion of our whole life. We are a society that teaches that your job title defines whether you’ve “made it” as a person or not. By contrast, the Bible seems to teach that your job exists as one more (abet important) place that we get to give God our whole life. It’s about our whole life being given over to the Lord.
I need to get away from this idea that my job in campus ministry is the most important things about who I am in Him. The difference becomes so apparent when I catch myself thinking thoughts like “Wow, that was such a good talk I just had with that friend- too bad she wasn’t an Education major…. Man, I need to do a better job.. I should be having talks like that with Education Majors instead. After all, isn’t that what I’m supposed to be here for?” Isn’t it funny that I tend to think that the reason I am here is for my ministry role and not for anything else God might be doing? I think I am still defining myself with worth coming from whether or not I am excelling at what I think my job is. It’s a lot about having something to show for myself.
But all the while another thought comes softly in behind the condemning voices. “A man can receive only what it given to him from heaven….” And what is given to me from heaven is this whole life that can be ministry unto God. Maybe I need to stop drawing lines where God doesn’t seem to be drawing them and stop beating myself up for the things He tells me not to worry about. Not that I don’t still need to learn lessons about disciplining myself to do the role that God has brought me here to do with Christian Educators, but that I need to learn to see it in it’s rightful context. It’s about living a life that ministers to God- and everything fits into that.
Then, I student taught and I began to get these little glimpses into the idea that teaching- like all of this life- is another place for ministry. But with teaching it looked different than it ever had before. In my car on those exhausted, sunrise drives to Edgewood in the morning, I was getting glimpses of this whole new reality of ministry (one I wasn’t sure I even liked at first) - that ministry also just means doing your job well. It means living your life- your whole life!- in such a way that God is glorified and people are drawn to the Holy Spirit they come in contact with in you. It means being what Jesus said we are- a light on a hill, a lamp in a dark place. We are lights because the Holy Spirit is in us and we get to bring Him wherever we place our feet-and where the wind of God blows, He brings life.
After that I got to spend a season at work with Life Choices- a ministry of people who go into schools and tell the story of Rachel Joy Scott, the first girl killed at Columbine High School in 1999. In the context of these people, Many of them Rachel’s family, I learned many things about ministry and life. Much was about provision and about “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” I’ve never had a season before where I had to pray regularly for my provision- and then got to watch as God provided over and over and over. I thank God that I got to learn these things with Him in the context of a community that believed God to do incredible things all day long. I don’t know that I’ve ever lived with a group of people so honest about their brokenness and shortcomings—and so aware that God was there ever-present real hope. Life Choices taught that all of our ministry must come from the overflow of our love relationship with Jesus. I’ve bought into it. I think they’ve got something figured out that that a lot of us don’t understand yet: that fruit in ministry comes as we abide in the Vine. It doesn’t come from our lives being perfect and sinless, it doesn’t come from our striving to serve God well… it comes from abiding in Him.
And now I am in Iowa. I am in Iowa sitting at my computer and trying to figure out why I just wrote all this. I think it has something to do with the fact that I need to remember what He has taught me about ministry. Because, now that my “job” is a ministry- I need to be reminded. It is just all too easy to slip into the frantic thoughts about not doing enough, or to begin to live and act as if the salvation and the growth of other people is somehow dependant on me and not on Jesus. I need to remember what He has taught me.
I think that part of the issue for me is that I was brought up in a world that overvalues the notion of our “career” (as if that were our identity) and undervalues the notion of our whole life. We are a society that teaches that your job title defines whether you’ve “made it” as a person or not. By contrast, the Bible seems to teach that your job exists as one more (abet important) place that we get to give God our whole life. It’s about our whole life being given over to the Lord.
I need to get away from this idea that my job in campus ministry is the most important things about who I am in Him. The difference becomes so apparent when I catch myself thinking thoughts like “Wow, that was such a good talk I just had with that friend- too bad she wasn’t an Education major…. Man, I need to do a better job.. I should be having talks like that with Education Majors instead. After all, isn’t that what I’m supposed to be here for?” Isn’t it funny that I tend to think that the reason I am here is for my ministry role and not for anything else God might be doing? I think I am still defining myself with worth coming from whether or not I am excelling at what I think my job is. It’s a lot about having something to show for myself.
But all the while another thought comes softly in behind the condemning voices. “A man can receive only what it given to him from heaven….” And what is given to me from heaven is this whole life that can be ministry unto God. Maybe I need to stop drawing lines where God doesn’t seem to be drawing them and stop beating myself up for the things He tells me not to worry about. Not that I don’t still need to learn lessons about disciplining myself to do the role that God has brought me here to do with Christian Educators, but that I need to learn to see it in it’s rightful context. It’s about living a life that ministers to God- and everything fits into that.
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