Deuteronomy 15:17

it is easy for me, as of late
to look with jelousy
at those seated
in other chairs
in other roles
on other journeys

the lie I hear is that
'they are getting something
you arent.'
that somehow
their joy is
at my expense

my lips thin
and I fumble for loving
words. (The ones I'd
like to think I'd
say at times like these.) 
Instead, mutter
 "I wasn't ever like this
before."
eyes glaring, heart knotted

My friend once said
there is no amount
of Butter Pecan ice cream
that will quiet
our sadness. 

Aslan told Shasta
that we only get to know
our own stories

Truth.
there is no way out from
this thinking. No way home
on this twisted road.
to choose
bitterness
is to choose
death.

Truth.
I once
held out my hands
to You.
I lay my ear to
the doorpost and offered
my heart, my character,
my desires, my glories
to You. to know. to
fill. to love.

I said. Show me Your glory. Give me nothing
else. 

I know that You have done it
that this place can hurt,
but it's my place
and You: the Shepherd
are good and 
have led me thus far.
these kids.
this time
 this pasture.

I know
you're
here. 

there is room
for a thousand tears
cried into Your good arms.
There is a path
laid out
that will take us home.